that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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