glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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