hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
