How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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