I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
