genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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