im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
