i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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