Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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