I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
