Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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