So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
