can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
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His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
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Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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