I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
