Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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