i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
