Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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