if i can run in heels then i can drive
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
