my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
