I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Randomize
