I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
