totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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