Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
