My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
