You're my little dorito
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
