How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
