That's when you crack a 10am beer
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize
