he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
