What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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