I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
