i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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