Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
