I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
