The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
