wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
the raccoons are back...
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