Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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