I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Randomize
