I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Houston, we have a blender
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
