so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
lets start a swedish sibling band together
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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