How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
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Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
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I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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