Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
