This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
