You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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