Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
