...so i touched it.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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