This girl is more easily done than said...
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
