remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
