He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
