Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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