I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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