Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
