I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
