My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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