tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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