Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
