I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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