I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
