He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
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PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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